but nice won't cut it

on the walk to my first class...

so much has happened
in the past three days.
and yet, it seems that
i feel so little compared
to those that i have left
behind even just temp-
orarily back in my
hometown. but i do
feel. i feel loved beyond
i could have ever ima-
gined. not simply be-
cause i am here, but
also because He is
present. i am held to-
gether by grace. i would
be sobbing right now,
but that is not my call-
ing nor my hope. i am
fully satisfied by what
has been done on the
cross. lead me to it. 

sagoingne

two more days of summer...what shall i do?
spend time with people before i leave or be a hermit?
or...spend time with other people being hermits?
well anyways, the time has finally come for me to go.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
littlebigplanet 2 + artsy people = thorough amusement!

flee this youth

literally run if you must to quiet the voices of lust,
because if you just sit and rust, the devil may catch you.
o, how prone is your heart to wander- your mind to ponder
what is over yonder while you ignore the Father, who is here.
do you truly swear by what is greater or are you a grace-hater
saying, "i'll pray about it later," putting off your Maker, God?
flee youthful passions! look, forgiveness isn't scarce like rations,
but listen, each sin you commit is like another set of lashin's
on the back of your Savior, your Lord, your first love.
but Jesus, knowing He'd be betrayed, had the ruler of the air played,
His own life down He laid, so that our debt could be paid.
the deceiver rejoiced when He died, he rejoiced committing suicide.
only through the Son's demise, could He three days later rise.
and you know all of this. the gospel- ignorance isn't bliss.
each day is an opportunity you can't miss to walk in the Spirit.

ramble

so my brother's girlfriend has been in china on missions for a while now and apparently, her birthday is coming up soon. my brother gave me a card to sign and this is what i wrote with a giant smile on my face:
"happy birthday! and merry christmas in advance...we don't talk much...or at least, i don't talk much, but i hope to get to know you more. well, so far, i like your personality! haha, i don't know if david (my brother) tells you about me, but i feel as if i should explain my awkwardness. of course, i'm not going to do that...who writes about himself on someone else's birthday card? sigh...i knew i should have written a rough draft- i don't know how to end this well. i love you, sister! john"
yes. i am a dead man as soon as my brother proofreads. but, i've realized just how little i tell others of my love for them and just how little i've risked to stay comfortable. it's time to be a little more adventurous, don't you think?

buckets

brother: honestly, i don't get how you are so strong. see, if you just had a haircut, you could get a girlfriend. that body, that face, you just need that hair.
me: what about personality?
brother: yea, personality is important, but...your personality sucks. you always try to be sarcastic and girls don't like that.
me: that's true...i guess.
brother: so all you got to do is just look good and keep your mouth shut, because your jokes stink.

and then it hit me. my brother was right. i am pretty strong.

downtown

these past few days, i've become a loner- going through routine
brainless entertainment as if that could fill me up somehow...
and when i convince myself to turn off the white-noise screens,
a familiar silence falls and i'm reminded of my boring isolation.
and cinny, i know she will simply walk away from me to remind
me even more of my loneliness, but i can't help but lay next to her.
she'll be sent away soon...and soon, i'll be looking for just an
empty space where she might be, only to look up in a senile-manor
saying, "oh, that's right. she's finally grown tired of seeing me-
that's why she's not here anymore." but then, out of my decaying
optimism, i'll probably say, "it's perfect this way. i'm a college
man now. no time to lay down and just stare at the ceiling and
tell my dog about my thoughts anymore. with her around, i'll
just never learn to be on my own." on that day that we part ways,
i will not cry. i won't look back or think that it's been 15 years.
instead, i will thank her for being the worst dog a boy could
ask for. i will thank her for being a man's best friend.

eating concrete

why is loneliness creeping up on me?
my mom always asks if i'm alright, when,
however subtle, something is off with me.
that's some crazy mother's intuition!
i wish i could give all this extra time i have
to those that need it more than i do...
and that feels like everyone that i know.
meh...i'm not lonely! i just wish i could
leave some parting words of advice to those
younger than me before i go off to school.
something like "don't stress...it's unattractive."
or maybe "love one another like the bible
tells you to." or "shoulder each others'
burdens. don't be arrogant like me and try
to deal with everything on your own."