empty walls

not enough time to blog anymore.
looks like a blank summer ahead.

noble blood

i wanted to fight them today and pour out wrath instead of grace.
times like these make me respect your arrogance, william.
although you look down on other students, you would never
stoop down so low as to cheat like they did, like they do.
to hell with dishonest work. i don't care how long it will take me-
i will not compromise the truth! honor the Lord in all you do.

mustang

i should have given you a hug goodbye. and prayed for you as a
way of sending you off like a missionary. but i was gross.
is it strange that i feel defeated when i become this...ambitious?
will i blend with the background of the sea of the studious or will
i escape the mundane routine and be a light? seeing how i have
failed to speak truth in those moments thus far, i am not sure.
it becomes so complicated now. i just want to love and encourage
you, but pride and fear get in the way. don't forget, john, you will
fail to love perfectly and you will occasionally stumble. but God-
Christ Jesus is your advocate and He loves them in your place.
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watch this young naive boy be used by God to shout His love.
this summer is going to be awesome. i can just feel it.
...also, i'm going to be the third wheel just about everywhere.

blacklisted

you know those nights when you feel like the world
depends on you to get into the mind of sir isaac newton
and somehow jam a buttload of calculus into your
head until you start bleeding from the nose and mouth?
this is one of those nights which harbor every last inch
of hatred from within my soul towards every other class
which has watered down my math learning capabilities
to those of a stinkbrain. i'm starting to forget how to plot
simple polynomials and how to compute the areas of
simple shapes. my reserve of knowledge must have
discovered something was wrong and so decided to commit
suicide during finals week. my vision is becoming blurry
intermittently as i write this post. i want to sleep and be
confident for this math test just like i have been for every
math test that i've ever taken in my entire life. but, stupid
me- i drank coffee. so i have forced myself to stay up
staring at numbers and variables that no longer make sense.
when what i study does not make sense, i usually look it
over numerous times until all of it becomes clear. if i
repeat this process too many times, however, i start to lose
it. i've already lost it. the white noise drives me insane.
it reminds me how insignificant this night is. you know those nights.

a year and a half ago

so the semester here at ivc is finally wrapping up and i am
almost a second year. cramming and crapping papers- surprised
i have not cramped from all the writing. we had a group presentation
in class on wednesday and one of my group members fainted due
to fatigue and nervousness. thankfully, she was not hurt by the fall
to the ground and she managed to barely finish her part before
collapsing. aside from the scholarly chaos, i am still trying to bounce
back. from what...i am still unsure. it's definitely not from the floor
in the middle of a presentation. perhaps it is this apparent feeling that
i have had for a while of an awkward loneliness and isolation.
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yesterday, in order to ensure that i would focus on my studies,
i shaved half of my mustache as a form of insurance. determination-
if i did not fill my quota of study time, my punishment would be
leaving that other half unshaven. please, somebody. keep me here.

dog day afternoon

bro, saying 'swag' over and over doesn't make you any more swag
just like me saying 'bro' doesn't make me any more of a bro.
do you get what i am saying, bro? and while you're at it, i get the
sarcasm, but saying the wrong answer on purpose is only funny
so many times. let's hear your honest thoughts and encourage
one another continually, yea? use discernment for what you say.

let me whisper

it's raining =3