ccm log 4

ministry is messy. that is how it is and that is how it should be. over the last few days, i have had to go through difficult conversations with people in leadership about discouragements and doubts regarding ccm. mostly about how one of the core members decided to give up on following Christ and another core member that has been struggling with depression, which has led to questionable leadership behavior in recent weeks. while these things might trigger thoughts like "this is to be expected of a dying ministry" or "this is proof that what we are doing is meaningless", i cannot help but feel a certain weightiness regarding my own life and walk with Christ. what can i do? as president, when i see this turmoil going on in leadership, the thought that i can't seem to shake is "be a faithful rock. be a loving shepherd". a calling to be an example to these broken people- even as i am broken- to show them what it means to sacrifice everything for the pursuit of God and to grow a heart for people's souls.

ccm log 3

contemplating life face

it has been over half a quarter serving with ccm and it feels as though i have only tasted the fringes of what God has planned for this ministry. while i entered the fray with the mindset of making disciples in the context of the general body members, it is becoming more apparent to me that i need to minister to my fellow leaders first before realizing that initial goal. i have grown to trust my team members over the past few weeks. i trust that they can get things done when i assign tasks to them. but ministry should never be just about getting things done. secret sin, spiritual immaturity, and biblical illiteracy is frequently portrayed in splashes of conversation during team meetings. and more and more, i get the sense that i am somehow an anomaly for having a "heightened" sense of spirituality and that others think it the norm since i am the president. whereas i think it to not be the norm for them to be leaders while not having the elementary disciplines of consistently being in the word and in prayer and seeking growth. of course, this is a way in which God has challenged me to trust in Him, that He can use us, flawed as we are, to achieve mighty works for the kingdom. and i am not complaining about the team that God has given me- they are my brothers and sisters and i love them each, not just for what they bring to the ministry, but also simply because of who they are in Christ, struggles and all.
but tonight i am being shaken- knowing what i know- i am being shaken. not so much in the sense of doubting whether or not God will accomplish great things in ccm or even in my own life, but rather in the sense of having nearly overwhelming sorrow for what i have heard. i don't know how to walk with someone who is on the path to apostasy...and i am mourning for that person.

ccm log 2

sometimes, things not going according to plan is a good thing.
always respond to emails, texts, and messages. be accessible!
praise God both in times of failure and in times of success.
pray for the people in your ministry. at least pray for two people a day.
make it known who signed up for which
responsibilities and hold them accountable.
don't be afraid to hope for a large turnout at events. our God is not small.
forgive one another for when mistakes are made.

ccm log 1

invest in a canopy for tabling next year
do an off-campus outreach event during week 1 since reserving rooms is impossible
get through logistics during meetings as soon as possible- rehearse what needs to be said beforehand
pray pray pray pray pray
be stern about being on-time for meetings- set an example by arriving early

summer sesh

along the coast is one place where i don't mind being stuck in traffic.

iqwerty

i want you to know that i am so very proud of you no matter what today brings. haha learn how to use powerpoint tho

shelter blankets

clean freak that i am

i'd rather sit around in a small circle of brothers and sisters than be alone in a crowded room full of strangers. while dwindling numbers may be on their minds and dwindling numbers begins to equate to poor fellowship, i don't think i would have found this place to be a home had this not been the case. i came in broken and hurt and had it been a larger group, i could have blended in as just another face. but here, my presence as a full person was impossible to dismiss. that is what i like about us. we welcome in the stragglers, the ones that know they want community, but simultaneously are acutely aware of the dangers that come with vulnerability.