in the fire

"in your anger, sin. let the pride swallow you whole.
fight back with your fists and give your brother the beating
he deserves. you could destroy that weakling. shut him up
for good. make him respect you as more than a piece of trash.
come on, don't fool yourself. you have merely suppressed
the beast that lives inside. admit it, you would enjoy making
him suffer. you want to see him cry in pain and fear."
no, psychobabble is psychobabble. and family is family.
in these moments, i'm reminded that my family is always
at each others' throats looking for a trigger to justify conflict.
and i can do nothing but step back and watch them burn.

icebox

i'm petrified, frozen in my ability to speak truth.
if only you could hear my thoughts, you would hear
love a thousand times a thousand times. but these
delicate situations have me situated in a cold place.
standing on the surface level, which is like thin ice,
i see that you are drowning just beneath the clear floor.
and every time i try to break through, 'wisdom' whispers
to me "just keep your cool" and i remain a bystander.
never wanting trouble to the highest degree so i just
leave everything at absolute zero.

where the thief breaks in

since when did i start to be so cold to supposedly close friends?
since when did i stop waving the banner of joyful love?
entitlement to anything is really just the entitlement to one thing:
being an idiot. and that's exactly how i've been.
repentance, repentance is exactly what i need.
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or i could just fake my death and move to alaska...