john was alone

of course the weekend that my parents go to palm springs and my
brother and his wife go up to norcal and i'm left at home by myself
is the weekend that my reliable honda accord decides to break down.
of course this would happen to me. merry christmas to me.
this is my december. this is me pretending that this is all i need.

sketchy

sackboy draws himself

i come home to a house lit up like a hotel

knock on my door frame

sappy jerk

i miss having my older brother around. and i mean that in a
conceptual sense- not so much in the "i haven't seen him a long
time" sense, but more like i miss our family dynamic. he was
basically my roommate for 20 years, so it's difficult for me to
accept that we can never go back to those days when we could
just hangout whenever. i miss knowing that he'd be in the room
next door probably reading up for small group or watching sports
videos or korean dramas. i miss him "bothering" me whenever he
was bored and reminding me to take time away from all my busyness
to spend time with people. i miss showing off to him the results of
my workouts and comparing our muscles in front of a mirror under
a complimenting light and him always saying "yea, whatever, because
i got the better-looking face". i remember right before he got married,
i was in the middle of an anxiety crisis with all the pressure of school
weighing down on me. i had practically spent an entire month in
isolation studying for a class that my admission to ucsd was dependent
on. you can imagine all the voices inside my head going on and on
about how important it was for me to pass. i even dropped church
responsibilities and stopped attending- if felt like forever. but
all throughout that time, my brother was still around and he witnessed
how the prolonged seclusion was affecting me. we don't share many
confrontational moments, but when we do, i always come out a different
person. it was a wake up call- what he told me a few nights before my
final exam- "hey listen. just know that no matter what grade you get,
it's God's grace, okay? it's His grace, you understand?" i just nodded
my head trying to act like i knew- psh, i'm a youth adviser of course
i know that pfft- but it was like i didn't. you might think that such a
simple truth should be 101 for any Christian, but when you're crippled
by doubt and anxiety, it's easy to lose sight of such a thing. long story
short, my outlook on my studies changed because of what my brother
said at a time when i needed to hear it most- i got like a 96 or something
incredible on that final (all God's grace) and then came his wedding.
yay happy ending. point is, i haven't forgotten what he said, but it
doesn't negate the fact that i miss his presence in general. i've got finals
in about six hours and it'd be nice if he could just "bother" me right now
so that i know not to worry about anything. plus, my current roommate
sucks. i'm supposed to be the one that farts a lot. sheesh.

595

if i could go back to any moment in time, i would choose 5/31/14.
why is it that every time i try to write out something about this
period of my life my mind tries as hard as it can to erase everything?
i have a bad habit of missing these trains. i must be traumatized.

hand me down

as i walk on this path of obedience, i wonder
how much of it is for Christ? can it even be considered
obedience anymore if i have not my heart in it?
have i confused the phrase "you must deny yourself"
with "you must lose who you are, your dreams, your
passions"?

always and forever

this rain and tunglio

deciembre

no matter how cold you want me to become,
my soul still longs to love recklessly and relentlessly.
despite your efforts to strip me from compassion,
my body still lingers to keep the fringe company.

no mad

bags on bags on bags

i wonder what the record is for most schools attended during
a student's undergraduate career, because i might break it if
i continue on this path that i'm going. contingency plans after
contingency plans, how invincible am i supposed to be?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
on the car ride home from church today, melody told me
that emmanuel, tiffsy, and she started taking walks around
castle park once a week for exercise. she said she didn't
know if once a week was sufficient enough to be considered
working out and my response was "it's ok...as long as that
once a week doesn't turn into nonce a week, you're good."

rockefellar

count de monte cristo

as a result of eating this bad boy, i woke up last morning with enough grease on my face and in my hair to start up an oil company.

five red blue yellow

tell me if there is a difference between these two statements.

"if you profess Christ as Lord, your life should be marked by
the fruit of the Spirit."

     vs.

"if you profess Christ as Lord, you are required to give money
to the church as an offering of worship to God."

naruto

the end would not be fitting without instant noodles :')

reify and subvert

my gosh what was i doing...with that hair? call the fashuun popo

warren lecture hall 2217c, my sanctuary of quiet

easy stuff

my face after i finally "understand" my homework

fruits punch chinpo

my brother as 'my little pony' and the mystical twins

first train home

/* file name: read me if you can =P */

#include

#define YEAR 1996

int x, y, z; 

int main ()
{
     printf ("Please enter your birthday (MM/DD/YYYY): ");
     scanf ("%d/%d/%d", &x, &y, &z);

     if ((x == 10) && (y == 10) && (z == YEAR))
     {
          printf ("YAKISOBA!!\n");
     }
     else
     {
          printf ("Sorry, this message is not for you\n");
     }

     return 0;
}

/* i find nerdier ways to say hi */
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
that moment when you come to find that your man cave is gone

family weekend

i gained the transfer thirty

efci family visited sd kids this past weekend.
even though our time spent together was short, i'm thankful we
got to see each other. last week, i was reminded to pray for the
ministries back home and for all the others who are in college
around the country. despite our physical distance, they spur
me on to pursue faith and i am always encouraged by them!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i had a strange dream that i knew adam levine from maroon 5
personally and that he had a tragic death and i was sad what.

transcendental highway track 12

i miss good asian food

what is this? a drop of fresh vibrant-red paint on the canvas of
his life which had previously been smeared completely gray by
the mundane routines. suddenly the backdrop which was boring
and forgettable picked up a sound, a voice, a song. a tempo begins
and there is movement to this rhythm. what was once a soft,
blurry drone has become a clear, powerful beat. a rallying call.

skipping september stones pt.2

yes, i am alive and well. so why the distance and why the silence?
am i not a soul that has been snatched out of spiritual deadness and
is my body not a temple in which the Holy Spirit- the very One who
intelligently designed each intricacy of the created universe- dwells?
is there not power from Him to meditate on the truth constantly, to
pray without ceasing, to be in continual communion with Him, and
from that communion draw the sweet affection with which i can use
to pour out unto others and to effectively rejoice when His name is
praised and lifted high as a result? is our God not so gracious to grant
us convictions and passions that lead to His worship and glory?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i realize that over the course of the past year, i have gradually closed
myself off from others- defaulting to "objectively" observe the happenings
around me, the struggles being had and the emotions being felt. rarely have
i been pushed to be courageous during this time. it's like i've been playing
an rpg where the main character is superficial rather than superhero-
collecting special items and leveling up, but never going to the front lines
to fight the monsters. i've been listening and taking everything in, but when
time would come for me to take action, i would stop and there would seem
to be a misstep in the narrative. it's cliche to say that i need to change, but
there's no alternative.

skipping september stones pt.1

lol i wish this was the view from my apartment

just
to
break
the
streak
of
wanting
to
post
but
not
posting.
i
am
alive
and
well.

slumpy slum

getting fat. need to run. and eat less junk.

double decker couch

the color of fear

still and silent still

army amy

shocked patrick star face

i had a strange, humorous dream last night that amy came
back from taiwan, except in an army uniform, with a battalion
under her command walking behind her. at first, everyone's
reaction was like "aw...look at her with her cute army helmet
and her cute little rifle." and her response was a gentle smile
accompanied by that modesty hand waving thing we all do
when we receive compliments. but then one of her soldiers
went out of line by taking an extra step during their march and
amy turned into a hardcore drill sergeant, yelling at that poor
guy- we all had that shocked patrick star face. later on, we found
out that amy's unit was deployed to protect our church from an
unknown enemy who had an unknown motive for attacking
efci. my dream suddenly did a time jump and we ended up
trying to barricade ourselves from this unknown danger. at this
point, we were all panicking because some of the soldiers started
disappearing. holes were cut through the ground and walls- this
is how we suspect the enemy was able to make soldiers disappear.
and among the soldiers that disappeared, amy was one of them!
my dream ended here- kind of a cliffhanger i guess. if the dream
was to continue, i wonder how it would play out. would we find
amy? who was this unknown enemy? do we go to in-n-out after?

day well spent

supreme scream

today, i woke up to a gloomy sky and a cool breeze. i spent a good deal of time reading 1 corinthians after eating mini-wheats cereal for breakfast. then i drove down to the university park library to study with chris. there is something so relaxing about driving down jeffrey during gloomy days. we saw sheldon volunteering at the library lol. after studying for a couple of hours, i decided to go to in-n-out to satisfy my 3-week-long cravings (which were only heightened by the 1 week period of no solid foods). but on the drive to university town center, i changed my mind because i felt slight stomach pain- i think my body is still readjusting to solid food- so i got le dips instead (still solid food, but smaller portion). after my lunch break, i went back to the library and sheldon was still there lol. he didn't notice that i came back though because he was on his phone as i walked passed him. good job working that booth, little man. in my second round in the library, i saw daniel on a computer and sneaked behind him. i pretty much stood right behind him like not even full arm's length for a whole minute without him noticing. apparently, he is into lacrosse. now i know. shortly afterward, joshua came in with his unreasonably thick ap chem textbook. working on our homework together with occasional spurts of conversation laced in between a time frame of 2 hours was refreshing. also, the people watching. also, the attempts for humor made by the authors of our textbooks. i showed him the sheared sheep joke (which is apparently on tumblr- but then again, what isn't on tumblr?) so i'm satisfied. after all the studying, i chose to vegetate in my garage as per the usual. mindlessly killing zombies (which is kinda ironic, because brainz). tonight, we took a trip down memory lane at jeff's house, looking up old worship songs our fellowship used to sing back in 2009 and we prayed for those that are out on missions. to end the night, i talked with melody about good food as i sent her home. overall, it was a day well spent and i hope tomorrow will be just as productive.

chrome ninjas

success! my week without solid food is finally over and i am
gradually regaining strength in my limbs again. i still get dizzy
pretty easily though. thank you serena and steven for bringing
me soup the other day. it was glorious! now, i'm just sitting
around waiting to begin working at carl's jr. and not much else.
it rained in irvine today. california weather be like "what's a july?"

reanimation spell

solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food
solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food solid food

the rpg arc

shout-out to my bro, chris ho, for bringing me strickland's
during my time of recovery! ice cream for breakfast is bomb.
recently, i watched "the secret life of walter mitty". if you have
an unreasonable amount of free time this summer break, you
should watch that movie. it was heartwarming and hopeful.

i don't even remember taking this...

elephant tranquilizer

sunrise at castle park

 daydreaming about acts of heroism and group games at 4 in
the morning is a slight mixture of both long-suffering boredom
and pain-killer induced joy. i got all of my wisdom teeth pulled
today...er, yesterday if we're being technical. so far, it's not as
bad as everyone has made it seem. except for the lack of food
in my stomach, everything else seems to be in check. the hunger
and the soreness have not not had their negative effects though.
not a drop of caffeine and i can't even get a second of sleep. in
my routine of closing my ideas, desperately trying to shut off
my brain, my brain's activity has only increased exponentially
about potential games to play during college retreat and about
illogical things i would do to protect people i know during
unlikely dangerous situations. humorously enough, the latter
thought process was occasionally the result of the former- me
thinking of somewhat dangerous games. i noticed that the main
game i had in mind was rather sadistic on my part. i wonder...
is that just me being crazy late at night or has the theme of the
games i create conformed to the sarcastically mean attitude of
generally everyone (except like olivia) in the college fellowship?
i'm just kidding...tammie is not sarcastically mean neither.
well, since my brain won't shut up anytime soon, it's time to go
put some of these ideas on paper. i hope that in a couple days,
i don't end up looking back to them and think they are terrible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
if you have any ideas for group games that you'd like to play, tell me!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hi there, sun! it is now 6:27 a.m. i looked over my sheet of directions
of what NOT to do after the operation...and i already violated two of
those things lol. maybe that's why there was pain early on. and maybe
that's why i couldn't sleep. moments of revelation like this...s.o.m.l.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7:30- i decided to go on a walk to castle park. as i was walking, i saw
how the sun rising changed the look of my surroundings minute after
minute and i asked myself "why don't i do this every morning?" and
then i was like "oh, because sleep." at the park, i chose to conduct an
experiment in which i rediscovered the meaning of the word
"balancing" except with painkillers in my system. "don't fail me now
physics" i said while giggling at the horse seesaw below my feet.
surprisingly, i remembered how the center of gravity worked. 

last summer

why is the topic of my hairstyle always a conversation starter with you?

The Death of Nice

College roommates- one with a wedding ring and the other, a salary- meet for a drink,

Merritt Parkway, Connecticut, "This is positively the last one for me!" Two at the brink.

The housewife gossips away, laughs in a way of self-pity, as the ether sinks into her veins,

All the while, poison invades her brain, convincing her there are no consequential pains.

She wears her mask, her high class, ignores the daughter wearing unattractive glasses,

Hates the innocence, but cannot recall her own, because when asked about her past, she passes.

The man who brought her smiles hundreds of miles away died along with her genuine laughter,

The other man whom she married, she regretted before the ceremony, not after.

It was as if nostalgia had been stored up in the bottle, up to the last drop,

Reality stabs her chest as she realizes her best could be no more than a sop.

Her heart like New York has long since turned as cold as ice,

Tears roll down her cheeks, witness to a murder, the death of nice.

And this tragedy happened because she did not seek joy,

The man who died was her imaginary boy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i wrote this poem two years ago for my contemporary literature class

during senior year of high school. this post is strictly for documentation

purposes. i've got a lot of old papers lying around that i should burn.

after the boys of summer are gone

it's already been over half a month since my brother's wedding.
the surrealism of the fact that my brother is now the man of his
own household has slowly faded since that day. after the exchanged
tears over the phone and in person, after going to his apartment, after
helping him set up his entertainment system (of which i am jealous),
after walking into his empty room at home, after noticing a strange
silence in the house late into the night, after my cousin returned to
taiwan and i realized that i could no longer spontaneously hangout
with someone just by calling their name out from my door frame,
the processing in my mind of my brother's transition in life has been
completed. from this point on, i understand that we both have a lot
of growing to do- he must learn how to fully take care of someone
else, while i must learn how to take care of myself.

spending time with tiger

with my brother's wedding coming in less than a week, my
cousin has probably found these past few days to be somewhat
boring considering how busy we all were. but today, i did
absolutely no work and decided to hangout with him for the
majority of the day. i took him with me to get my hair cut,
we played sequence, i taught him my card game, and we even
talked a little bit about twilight. huh. like the vampire stuff.
apparently, the twilight series is his favorite movie series. and
he likes to dance and sing to k-pop. so, basically everything i
have been raised to despise as a man according to the standards
set by american masculinity is condensed in my cousin. hmm.
well, it's a good thing i don't subscribe to that standard of manhood
(or any standard hey-o) so chilling with him is cool. i want to take
him bowling or mini-golfing or hiking, but i always end up just
bringing him to our garage to play games. meh, our garage is still
pretty awesome (despite the pigsty my brother has made of it).
anyways, i'm thankful for this time off to play and relax.

solace song

how can this be
that grace was shown
to you and me?

He's adopted me
as His own
and now i'm free.

there's no greater name
that i've ever known
than His alone.

though all could bow to me

selfie-ception. you now have permission to hate me with a burning passion.

where i am at now...though i am not of a particular status
even though i am not in a place where i can provide for others,
even though every passing hour is marked with anxious panic,
where i am unsure of whether or not i will succeed, i can't help
but feel that this is exactly where i am supposed to be right now.
at every corner where my trust is driven near off the edge of a cliff,
i have cried out "i'm far too weak to carry on. this feels impossible."
at every corner, He says "watch this. I can do the impossible."
this week, i have had this constant back and forth conversation with
God in my prayers and i testify now that i am amazed by His grace.
in my self-induced panic, i stayed up studying like a maniac-
literally, i'm at that level of mumbling to myself from time to time-
and my energy has been running exceedingly low. the other day,
my body gave out and i was unable to study for a quiz in physics.
next day, there is no quiz in physics. i turned in my chinese project
late and my professor makes an exception for me (she is usually
not so lenient with deadlines). also, i find out that my math final is
two days later than the planned date (two whole days! do you have
any idea how much studying can be done during that time?) and
that the final will be partially cumulative on subjects which my
professor gave us in class today! and then i was behind on writing
a rough draft for my final paper in writing class- which would have
been due tonight, except class was cancelled due to fires in san
diego (my writing professor commutes from sd). what? like during
a time as crucial as this when deadlines are approaching one after
another, i get this crazy amount of grace! oh, and for those of you
who know my situation in my math class- that 65% i had two weeks
ago? now a 73%! what the heck, right?! how is this all happening?
some may accredit my academic success to my hard work, but to
this i say, it is all by God's grace. i mean, i am working like crazy,
but if you break it down, it's pretty clear that all of this is grace alone.
who supplies me with motivation to do work? who gives me breath
each moment regardless of my bouts of sinful thoughts? who allows
my brain to process all the concepts necessary to rightfully learn?
who reminds me when i am feeling hopeless that i have the greatest
hope which smashes every avenue of security that the world has to
offer? who brings me peace and keeps me from running away or
lashing out in fear and anger? who is forever my joy and satisfaction?
by God's grace, that person is God Himself.

a gentle response

I see how you are working hard day and night. I know it's difficult for you to see the purpose in all that you do sometimes. So let Me remind you of something- a mindset that you may have lost during the past few months. All that you are doing during this season- none of it should be done thinking "this is for me". John, this is for Me. And for them. You remember those nights I would plant thoughts into your mind- dreams of how you could use all of your time, resources, education, everything to bless those around you all for the purpose of bringing Me glory. You were so full of joy during those moments and your posture of worship was marked with praise upon praise, thanksgiving upon thanksgiving. Don't you remember constantly lifting your brothers and sisters up in prayer with such an eagerness that you could hardly even pray for yourself? Yes, I have called you to take on your responsibilities as a student and that requires hours of studying, but to suddenly stop praying to Me? No, you have been confused- anxiously needing to take control over everything based on your own strength. As a result, you have grown bitter, thinking that in order for you to achieve the goals that I set for you, you need to change into a cold-hearted machine cut off from all of your relationships. You are driven by the goal of getting a good job so that you can use what you earn to provide for others and give to the church, which is a great motivation. But that doesn't mean that until you get there, you are licensed to act like you are not My child. Do you not remember that I have called you to great suffering, but also to a greater joy in Jesus? Don't miss out on this opportunity here and now to enjoy Him. After all, you're not promised another day, you're not promised another chance to love others, you're especially not promised a job. So stop grumbling over all of these little things and realize My new mercies for you even at this very moment. I love you. No matter what the paper says or no matter how many times you fail, I will always love you. Trust in that truth.

sorry if i dissed you

welcome to my new life- where sunlight is as rare as mewtwo.
it is strange to think that for the past 3 days, i have not talked to
anyone about anything at all. aside from the usual one-word answers
and the necessary "yes, i would like mild sauce please," i mean.
and the words of my brother keep ringing in my mind, he says,
observing the stagnant posture i have whilst studying all day,
"better get used to it, this is how the rest of your life will be."
i have been anxious day in and day out to the point where despite how
mentally and physically drained i am, i still stay up at night thinking
about everything and nothing at the same time. to add to that, i have
become increasingly cynical about my life and my relationships with
people. i think it may partly be me rationalizing the formerly implied
inevitability of my loneliness. "why not cut off ties with all of my
friends? they're not going to stay around much longer anyway, right?"
or "i'm doing them all a favor by not wanting to get involved. no one
needs my advice or my company anyway. i'm just an awkward, quiet,
uninteresting, condescending waste of space." and while i know these
are just thoughts produced out of fear or resentment towards any
possible good that the future holds, i do seriously wonder at the end
of my day- thinking back through all that i accomplished in the past
few hours that i have vigorously spent on schoolwork-
"what good am i doing here at this moment other than recycling the
air in my room? what part of all this speaks of my life in Jesus?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
for those of you who say math and physics are gross,
i'll have you know my math textbook quoted scripture to illustrate
scholarly theories of how the wall of jericho may have fallen due to
the frequency played by the trumpets. basically, when an outside
force (sound) matches a level specific to an object (wall), it can cause
the structure to oscillate at higher and higher amplitudes until it hits
a breaking point and the whole system collapses on itself. science!
also, my textbook contains footnotes on all of the theorist and
mathematicians who came up with the things that i am studying.
i find it amusing and terrifying that all of the footnotes i've read thus
far say that those people either turned insane or estranged from the
world. and then there was that one guy who got killed in a duel.

stoaway

chipmunk

kerdaino
treasure lost
kerdaino
lost brother

nicholas

caged- i find that on days like these where i spend hours
in my room solving homework problems, my behavior is
similar to a claustrophobic snail. i'm afraid of my own shell,
all outside noises push me back in, and my mind becomes...
sluggish. i wonder if future me will look back upon these days
and think of how i toiled over these things. will he consider it
all worth the struggle or will he think to himself, "i should have
gone out that day. the weather was so nice and a little exercise
could have been refreshing." but at least this day had its changes
of scenery. i mean, the lighting of my room changed throughout
the day. i turned on the lamp at around 6:23 p.m.- that was exciting!
just a couple more months of this. we can do this, future me.

failure is for fighters

today, i have an exam in elementary differential equations.
it has almost been a month since i failed my first exam.
nice try, but these arrows lit with feelings of inadequacy
have done nothing but spur me on towards a better promise.
i'm not looking at myself to find confidence to face the day.
but don't be mistaken. boy, am i confident- grace upon grace
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
pwned it.

emerald glass

i can't help but feel as if i have forgotten something or tossed outsomething important like a lid of an ice cream tin without licking it.
when was the last time i looked ahead with genuine excitement?
i can't remember what it was like. fall in line. here, i'm just a number.
man, i never imagined the concept of how lonely being home would be.
i want to give up. i want to give up so bad. there's no point of adding
oil to a car without an engine. my tires are flat and my mind is exhausted.

jinx me something crazy

kapwah- lift your head up, heavy heart
walk on with your gaze set ahead.
never stop exploring, love discovery.
does the peace in your life lead you to helplessness?

is that what you call tact

ever since last friday, i think i've been physically depressed.
overworked, lack of sleep, unhealthy convenient junk food,
lack of exercise, intermittent migraines- you get the picture.
this physical depression reached its height on thursday night
when i was reminded of what it was like to have a stomach
ulcer. feeling like my stomach was going to burst out of my
sides in the middle of the night, helplessly squirming in pain,
not knowing if i should move out of fear of triggering even
greater discomfort, my head spinning, a fiery fever emitting
from my arms, an icy chill down my spine and legs, and a
slipping grasp of my notion of time- at one instance, ten minutes
seemed to be a few hours and at another instance, the sun seemed
to rise in a matter of seconds. disoriented, i spent the majority of
yesterday lying down while thoughts of anxiety constantly passed
through my mind. three weeks into school and this is what i have
become. i thought about high school a lot yesterday. about the days
when i could be nonchalant with everything and everyone. in a
good way i mean. and then i had a strange dream that i threw a
bag of mini-wheats at my dad. what. i've been listening to
takingbacksunday a lot lately and i've been in an alternative
punk rock mood in general- which is probably not good, because
i fear that one day during this semester i may simply storm out of
a class just because i can't handle it anymore and then pretend that
i know how to shred on my little air guitar while rocking out my not
so rock-able hair (haha we all know i'm not cool enough to do that).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
but ninjas don't get sick, they simply get humbled
after a day and a half of rest, i'm back and ready to
take on the world! one step at a time...

pity nods

a room full of tired eyes and the different weeks that got them there
is it strange that i felt loneliness build up the more time we spent together?

the night is young

"the scenery spins, we call it progress.
but i've seen this all before, when all's said and done,
we'll wake up on the floor.
true progress means matching the world to
the vision in our heads,
but we always change the vision instead."
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what a quiet weekend it was...and still is

patient in my ignorance

today, i tried on contact lenses for the first time ever.
while not the most pleasant experience, it was probably
the highlight of my week so far- considering this long
break has turned me into an antisocial, wasteful slob.
hopefully, things go well and i can avoid getting an eye
infection. i dunno...we'll just have to wait and see. haha.
my puns have also deteriorated with this uneventful break.
on another note, while talking about scary experiences-
i know it's kinda a stretch going from contacts to "scary"
but this is just how i transition, okay? so, coming home
from playing basketball tonight, i went to the kitchen as
usual to rinse my water bottle. when i was at the sink, every-
thing checked out to be normal. but suddenly the silence of
midnight at the lee residence was broken when a baby toy
straight across the kitchen in the living room turned on by
itself and uttered in a high-pitched childish voice "let's go!"
initially, my eyes dashed left and right only to find that no one
was around and that the toy indeed acted on its own. in response,
i showed some machismo saying, "alright! you wanna go?!?"
humoring myself (like i so often do when i'm alone), i finished
rinsing my bottle and put it away in the dish washer calmly.
but then the toy just had to throw in a child's laugh and an
overly enthusiastic "come on! let's play!" after i had internally
convinced myself that the first utterance was simply a fluke.
my heart kinda stopped. i kinda got instant chills all over my
body. i kinda hurried to gather my things to head upstairs. but
do not fret, my dear blog-reader you! i'll have you know that i
had the courage to walk up to the toy to see what was wrong
with it. of course, right before i pick up the cursed thing, it says
"bye bye" with almost a sarcastic tone like it was so over me.
i jump back and put up my hands getting ready to fight (whom
am i kidding? i dunno how to kung fu). and then i check the
reflections from the windows to see if i could spot some twisted
demonic vampire bloody mary thing- wait, but vampires don't
have reflections, john. don't be silly. okay, sorry dear blog-reader
you; i gotta get my facts straight. anyway, in the process of
searching for some evil spirit to battle against, i found nothing and
instead proceeded to check my own reflection out- hey, beautiful.
when i finally got upstairs, i told my brother about what happened.
and then he told me there was an earthquake that shook the whole
house and that was probably the cause for the toy turning on.
yeah, i'm just going to tell myself that. at 4 a.m. when i still can't
sleep. it was an earthquake. it wasn't a toy just toying with me.
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speaking of toys, we will be watching toy story 3 this friday
for movie night! get ready for some nostalgia to go along with
your nostalgia as some of you...nostalgia nostalgia nostalgia.
i don't know what else there is to say about the monstrosity of
feels this movie gives. also, i can't wait for popcorn.

patriot factory

what is there to say to the ones that have become distant?
"hello" is a good start, nincompoop. i forget what it's like.
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sin has lost its power, death has lost its sting
from the grave You've risen, victoriously