my words have been few

idleness. it just crept up on me. lazy saturdays...

march on, soldier

you know those nights when you've got this idea in your head
that you feel grows more and more as you roll in bed losing sleep?
i have been having those quite often recently- sometimes i even beg
God to knock me out even though i'm thankful for these wonderful
brilliant thoughts. the john lee of two years ago...he's becoming
furious. he wants to tell his little brother to run from this whole
affair before all the church drama repeats itself (i still hate church
drama). he wants to tell him that he is a fool for putting himself in
this dangerous situation- outside of Scripture. he wants to tell his
best friend to repent of this lustful relationship and turn to Christ.
he wonders if that boy even cared enough to ask God if it was His
will to seek this girl (with the intention of marriage)! intense?
holiness and radical Christian living ought to be taken seriously!
but...it's been two years after all. i have been praying for your sake
since then and i expect you to have grown from then- growth is
irrevocable if you are truly in Christ. enough with the gossip and
away with the apathy. pick up your sword and fight, young man!

unequally yoked

honestly, i'm a little butt-hurt.
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these feelings may suck, but don't give up.
God is enough. trust in Him to fix your problems
and if He doesn't, trust that He leaves them there
for a good reason. Lord, help me to forgive. 

rugrat

i remember a couple weeks ago, k.c. asked the congregation,
"who here is younger than john?" literally, half the sanctuary
raised their hands. strange to be at this age where i'm caught
right in the middle of generations in the english ministry.
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my mom did jumping jacks on the small trampoline in our
backyard, so that the babies would learn how to jump.
in response, they got on the trampoline and just waved their
arms up and down. they're so cute. i die every single time.

up the antique

this past week, i revisited the darkest depths of my being. a part
of me that i thought was thrown away long ago came to me with
clenched fists and a devilish grin. the anger and rage of my childhood
rushed to grab me by the throat in hopes of choking every inch of
joy within my soul. this was all imaginary, but in the midst of my
blindness and strife, i had wished such emotions to be tangibly in
front of me- so at least i could beat the crap out of them. if you ask
me how i am, i will most likely tell you that i am tired. just know
that i am fighting. and i couldn't possibly be in a better place.
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someone from india tried to hack my google account. i'm flattered.