dream turned dilemma

gintama is back :')

i remember back in high school, whenever youth group wanted to hang out, loitering around waiting for someone to make an executive decision for what we were to do or where we were to go was a prevalent characteristic of our time spent together. i remember it eventually caught on as a running joke that christine lin was not a good planner for hangouts, because she was too indecisive and while i joined in on the fun of teasing her about that quality, i knew that realistically, we all struggled to make decisions- big or small. from which college to attend to which place to eat after fellowship, our decisions were made to be weightier than they actually should have been as if our lives would go terribly wrong if we chose one thing over another. 

sometimes i catch myself getting frustrated when others are indecisive- perhaps because i'm impatient for an answer, but looking deeper, it is more likely that i simply don't want to make a decision myself. to make a choice, to say i am going with this instead of that, is in a way taking responsibility for the consequences of that choice. in my relationship with God, i often get frustrated too when He places me in situations where i have to decide what to do and the answer is not definitively prescribed by the bible. there is no audible "yes, john go to this place" or "no, that is not My will" that i can depend on for certain things that seem really important. the problem is this: i get frustrated, because in trying to "trust God", i am actually not trusting God.

let me explain. i have heard from many other Christians that deal with this issue to pray and wait. it is an exercise of trust to wait for an answer, but only if an answer is promised. if God said to me, "wait until october 3rd, (yes mean girls reference) 2015 at 10:47 a.m. and I will tell you who your spouse will be", i would be exercising trust by waiting until that day without looking for a potential spouse on my own. if that were the case, it would actually be disobedient of me to assess my relationship with any woman in my life with the intention of seeing how possible marriage would be, because that would mean not trusting that God would give me the answer by trying to find it myself. hopefully, by now we realize that God would never give us such an answer. and since an answer is not promised, it can be concluded that the appropriate exercise of trust is to actively make a decision and leave the results in God's hands.

in no way am i advocating rash decisions, however. and i'm not saying that we should cut prayer and waiting out of the process of decision making. instead, i would say as an extension, pray for wisdom and not for an answer. as for the time between being prompted to make a decision and actually making the decision- the waiting period if you will- make an effort to think realistically about the pros and cons, about what you genuinely want and need to do, and how you might glorify God through your eventual decision.

in some sense, we have been given a promise regarding our decisions. paul tells us in romans that God works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. good not meaning earthly comfort, but meaning our sanctification and His glorification. and we have every reason to trust in that promise. 

breakthrough

i have noticed for a while now that i am sometimes almost tired of talking with my brothers and sisters. or perhaps, i'm tired of hearing certain vocabularies in our dialogues- words associated with a desire to change. relationships, discipleship, loving on, being intentional, doing life together, and now even spontaneity. i love all of these things and it certainly is good that we are thinking about how we can make efforts to improve our community- and my problem with these terms is not that they haven't been flushed out in detail as if they have been idly vague and my problem is not with the frequency of their use in our conversations (although it gets annoying)- my problem is with the lack of genuine fruit. a lot of times, if not all times, it is just talk.
as a people pleaser, i am guilty of simply putting up a farce of politeness saying to old acquaintances "hey, we should meet up sometime" without ever having the intention of following through with my words. i always wonder every time i say those phrases what it would be like if i actually made an effort to do those things. in the same way, we say "we ought to be more intentional" or "church family does life together", but then often nothing happens to back our words- we say the things we say just because it has become expected of us. and claiming to want to do life together with someone is quite a bold statement in my opinion. when people say that they feel unwelcome or like they aren't receiving consistent care in the church, i don't blame them as much as the people who raise expectations of how community ought to be and then are not willing to take on the responsibilities that come with actually contributing to that community. i am being harsh, but i am not speaking to those who faithfully serve and i hope not to discourage those who are trying to serve and struggling to see the fruits of their labor. but i am speaking to those who fling around these popular terms in circular conversations to seem spiritual or to feel like they are making a difference just by talking.
although change comes about through conversations and exchanges of ideas, it is the natural order that action follows closely behind words. if you want to invest in the youth, just do it. if you want to serve under those who are older than you, just do it. if you want to share the gospel with a coworker or classmate, just do it. you don't have to meet with a group of brothers or sisters to tell them in extreme detail all of these things that you want to do for God. you can, but only share if you are certain that you will follow through. i'm not saying don't share your goals, even the ones that seem far off, for the purpose of accountability- that is not my point.
in summary, keep things simple: state a goal, serve faithfully (and quietly), and give God all of the glory. if you have a problem with what i purposely placed in parentheses, then think about why.

change for chumps

majin buu

i recently took some time to bike and explore around the campus last week. to think, it's been two quarters and i haven't gone on any kind of expedition to the unknown yet...i may be getting old. then again, the initial motivation for exploring campus was to go from market to market looking for a box of lemonheads, so perhaps i still have a little room left for growing up, huh? while i was exploring campus/wandering around stores, i found a new pair of sweats (very crucial for this upcoming quarter and life in general) and also bought a pink bouncy ball on a whim.