yelp review

as i write this post, i am chowing down on a cold, slightly soggy
sandwich with ham, egg, tomato, and avocado which my mom
made this morning. i am eating this sandwich only to get the taste
of my dinner from this place out of my mouth and to hopefully
nullify the pain that it has caused in my stomach. before i say
anything more about this place, i will tell you my story. today was
one of those special days that come every so often when i was
home alone. as a college student, i need food constantly or else
i get lazier than normal and my productivity level becomes absolute
zero. breakfast is simple- milk and cereal or (if you want to be fancy)
cereal and milk. lunch was convenient, because i was already outside
after watching pacific rim with some bros. i had chick fil-a. 5 stars.
but by the time dinner came around, i was conflicted- i didn't want
to spend money yet again, so i had a compromise. when in doubt,
look for coupons. el pollo loco, carls jr., and i even considered chick
fil-a again. 5 stars. after some 30 seconds of thought, i narrowed my
choice down to el pollo loco's stuffed quesadilla. what i decided on
next was perhaps my worst decision of the day- no, the entire week!
"i've really wanted to try this for a long time" i thought. instead of
going out to el pollo loco, i decided to cook for myself. basically,
it was level 2 of instant noodles- the kind where you actually boil
water and add stuff to it. oh wait, back to yelp reviewer mode.
the chef was young and quite handsome, but it looked like he didn't
even know what he was doing (and it showed when i tasted the food).
i mean, you know a meal is cooked poorly if it makes you sweat, cry,
fart, laugh, lose taste, have a small migraine, have a stomach ache,
and cry again in that specific order. it was just noodles and soup!
how can you screw that up? there are directions on the back of the bag.
the soup was way too hot and the noodles were too soft and watery.
overall, his performance was unprofessional...he even freaked out
when the water finally started boiling. ever heard of the old saying,
"if you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen?" however, i have
to give him credit for one thing. he has a strong passion to improve in
the areas in which he is weakest. something about it is so contagious...
it's like i have the same feeling, you know? for that effort, i give him
1 nice try star and say "keep trying, kid!" maybe someday you can
make something at least a little more edible and make someone happy.
to close this review, i have finished my sandwich and i am glad to tell
you that my hopes have been met. the lingering taste of grossly spicy
noodles has subsided and my stomach had settled down. i also am no
longer sweating nor crying nor do i have a migraine. all that's left of
this meal is laughter and farts- i'm laughing at this unconventionally
pleasant experience. that is how i know, and you know now, that i have
just gone through something as a child again. you and i, let's explore.