ever since last friday, i think i've been physically depressed.
overworked, lack of sleep, unhealthy convenient junk food,
lack of exercise, intermittent migraines- you get the picture.
this physical depression reached its height on thursday night
when i was reminded of what it was like to have a stomach
ulcer. feeling like my stomach was going to burst out of my
sides in the middle of the night, helplessly squirming in pain,
not knowing if i should move out of fear of triggering even
greater discomfort, my head spinning, a fiery fever emitting
from my arms, an icy chill down my spine and legs, and a
slipping grasp of my notion of time- at one instance, ten minutes
seemed to be a few hours and at another instance, the sun seemed
to rise in a matter of seconds. disoriented, i spent the majority of
yesterday lying down while thoughts of anxiety constantly passed
through my mind. three weeks into school and this is what i have
become. i thought about high school a lot yesterday. about the days
when i could be nonchalant with everything and everyone. in a
good way i mean. and then i had a strange dream that i threw a
bag of mini-wheats at my dad. what. i've been listening to
takingbacksunday a lot lately and i've been in an alternative
punk rock mood in general- which is probably not good, because
i fear that one day during this semester i may simply storm out of
a class just because i can't handle it anymore and then pretend that
i know how to shred on my little air guitar while rocking out my not
so rock-able hair (haha we all know i'm not cool enough to do that).
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but ninjas don't get sick, they simply get humbled
after a day and a half of rest, i'm back and ready to
take on the world! one step at a time...
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