me and the t-virus

i think if there was a zombie apocalypse, i wouldn't save
anyone. i mean, not because i wouldn't be capable of helping,
but because i would rather face the impending doom of the
world alone. i would rather survive on my own and not have
to burden others with my awkward presence. and if i were
bitten, i wouldn't have to ask a friend to finish me off. i also
wouldn't save anyone, because in an apocalypse, we would
tend to think "we need to stick together" while forgetting that
humans are still humans. i wouldn't be able to trust anyone,
except Jesus, so even if i did save anyone, he or she would
probably dislike me for being so cynical. they'd think, "who
does he think he is? acting like he doesn't need to rely on us?"
and i would stay silent without protest, pretending to be focused
on more important things like my ammunition (although i
already know i've got only six shells left). i would be cold
towards everyone and i wouldn't try to say anything that would
bring hope into their lives. i wouldn't save anyone, because
by then, my naive perception of heroism would be crushed
by the fact that those who risked their lives to save others in
the first days of the outbreak died and were forgotten.
by then, however, it would no longer be fear that held me back
-it would be straight up disdain. i think i may even love the
infected more than those that survived. if...there was a zombie
apocalypse, i realize that much of my cynicism wouldn't change.