though all could bow to me

selfie-ception. you now have permission to hate me with a burning passion.

where i am at now...though i am not of a particular status
even though i am not in a place where i can provide for others,
even though every passing hour is marked with anxious panic,
where i am unsure of whether or not i will succeed, i can't help
but feel that this is exactly where i am supposed to be right now.
at every corner where my trust is driven near off the edge of a cliff,
i have cried out "i'm far too weak to carry on. this feels impossible."
at every corner, He says "watch this. I can do the impossible."
this week, i have had this constant back and forth conversation with
God in my prayers and i testify now that i am amazed by His grace.
in my self-induced panic, i stayed up studying like a maniac-
literally, i'm at that level of mumbling to myself from time to time-
and my energy has been running exceedingly low. the other day,
my body gave out and i was unable to study for a quiz in physics.
next day, there is no quiz in physics. i turned in my chinese project
late and my professor makes an exception for me (she is usually
not so lenient with deadlines). also, i find out that my math final is
two days later than the planned date (two whole days! do you have
any idea how much studying can be done during that time?) and
that the final will be partially cumulative on subjects which my
professor gave us in class today! and then i was behind on writing
a rough draft for my final paper in writing class- which would have
been due tonight, except class was cancelled due to fires in san
diego (my writing professor commutes from sd). what? like during
a time as crucial as this when deadlines are approaching one after
another, i get this crazy amount of grace! oh, and for those of you
who know my situation in my math class- that 65% i had two weeks
ago? now a 73%! what the heck, right?! how is this all happening?
some may accredit my academic success to my hard work, but to
this i say, it is all by God's grace. i mean, i am working like crazy,
but if you break it down, it's pretty clear that all of this is grace alone.
who supplies me with motivation to do work? who gives me breath
each moment regardless of my bouts of sinful thoughts? who allows
my brain to process all the concepts necessary to rightfully learn?
who reminds me when i am feeling hopeless that i have the greatest
hope which smashes every avenue of security that the world has to
offer? who brings me peace and keeps me from running away or
lashing out in fear and anger? who is forever my joy and satisfaction?
by God's grace, that person is God Himself.