ccm log 3

contemplating life face

it has been over half a quarter serving with ccm and it feels as though i have only tasted the fringes of what God has planned for this ministry. while i entered the fray with the mindset of making disciples in the context of the general body members, it is becoming more apparent to me that i need to minister to my fellow leaders first before realizing that initial goal. i have grown to trust my team members over the past few weeks. i trust that they can get things done when i assign tasks to them. but ministry should never be just about getting things done. secret sin, spiritual immaturity, and biblical illiteracy is frequently portrayed in splashes of conversation during team meetings. and more and more, i get the sense that i am somehow an anomaly for having a "heightened" sense of spirituality and that others think it the norm since i am the president. whereas i think it to not be the norm for them to be leaders while not having the elementary disciplines of consistently being in the word and in prayer and seeking growth. of course, this is a way in which God has challenged me to trust in Him, that He can use us, flawed as we are, to achieve mighty works for the kingdom. and i am not complaining about the team that God has given me- they are my brothers and sisters and i love them each, not just for what they bring to the ministry, but also simply because of who they are in Christ, struggles and all.
but tonight i am being shaken- knowing what i know- i am being shaken. not so much in the sense of doubting whether or not God will accomplish great things in ccm or even in my own life, but rather in the sense of having nearly overwhelming sorrow for what i have heard. i don't know how to walk with someone who is on the path to apostasy...and i am mourning for that person.