disconnect

on the drive back to pomona tonight, there was silence in the car.
not the type of silence caused by tiredness, but rather confusion.
coming home this time around had a different feeling than the first.
of course, i was homesick beforehand both times, but for some reason,
i spent more of this weekend in deep pondering. thoughts that pierce
through my original way of thinking, making me question whether
or not i really am missing those that i love or if i just have the tendency
to be discontent wherever i am because of a few transitions in life.
i told myself i would not cry for cinny, but being on the verge of tears
throughout the weekend is probably worse than pouring it all out.
sadness- i won't deny its presence in my thought life. but i will not
let this momentary grief turn into an elongated one by dwelling on
the past. although i'm basically addicted to nostalgia, i know that
it would not make sense for me to seek joy by running from it.
Lord, help me let go. You give and take away. and if You were to
take everything away from me until You are all i have, that would
be far more merciful, because in that, i would receive all of You.