nokori kaze

dream? what am i dreaming about? when did i become stoic?
why have i learned to think the way i think? how did i
end up feeling such emptiness and lack of longing? God,
who do You want me to be? where did my eagerness to serve
go? did it die after all of the silence that i have held
in the midst of those who mock You? was it replaced
with a selfishness after all of the teasing and foolishness
i have witnessed- but not witnessed to? or perhaps i have
selfishly thought of myself if even for a moment that i
was worthy of my inheritance like the prodigal son?
why can't i become mindless? if i could become mindless,
would i still have pride and judge every molecule that
passes through my field of vision?
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God, can You save me from myself? can You rid me of my
fears? can You fill me up with Your Holy Spirit? can You
discipline me? i ask,can You increase, so that i may
decrease? can You give me peace? can You give me a new dream?